Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Jodoh?

This entry was written last January 7th, 2005. I was about to write about the very same topic today, so I figured I can just make some editions.

I heard and read somewhere that there are 3 things set from azali:

i) Jodoh
ii) Rezeki
iii) Ajal

I'm just wondering, if "Jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan", why are there so many divorces and failed marriages in our society, not just in Western countries like the United States? Does that means "Dah tiada jodoh" or "Jodoh itu tidak panjang?" (as mentioned by a friend). I had trouble figuring that one out. What does the phrase "Jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan" actually means? Does that mean some unlucky people won't be able to meet their jodoh in their lifetime?

As we all know, to look for a life partner we should also doa' + effort/usaha + tawakkal as well. What if the marriage still fails? Perhaps an arranged marriage will last longer/work better rather than we look for a partner ourselves. Hmmmm when two people are in love and get married, does that mean they've found jodoh in themselves? What if for some reasons they get divorced years later, find somebody else and the second marriage lasts forever? Which one is jodoh then?

Some questions/thoughts on my mind:

1) Hypothetically speaking. A loving couple has been together for many many years. They were extremely close with each other's family, trust each other with all their heart and one day they decided to settle down. Get married. Tie the knot. But the marriage turned out to be a complete disaster. They tried everything they could to save it, but a few years later, they decided to go their separate ways. What does that mean? "Jodoh mereka tidak panjang?", even though they work really hard for it? They are simply not meant for each other?

2) Perhaps the actual definition for "Jodoh tidak panjang" is when a husband or a wife passed away early in the marriage, much to the the dismay that they're like the "perfect couple" you'll ever know? That makes more sense right? They are so right for each other, but Death is also set from Azali. What if your spouse passed away, you managed to move on and get married for the second time and live happily ever after with your new life partner. Does that mean you're lucky to find 2 jodohs in your lifetime?

3) To find the right (not perfect) wife or husband, one should practise consistent doa' + effort/usaha + tawakkal. We're not gonna find anyone by just waiting in the house, hoping and hoping every single day that one fine day, Mr./Mrs. Right will come knocking through front door. It doesn't work that way. A friend mentioned to me years ago, arranged marriage might work better than the conventional ones because both party are willing to make the marriage work. Both party agreed and willingly participate in the arranged marriage, having the preconception that they must put their utmost effort the make the marriage last. But what if the marriage still fails? I know such couple who ended up that way. It's such a pity because I know both the husband and wife wanted it to work so bad, but yet.

4) Muslim men are allowed (I want to use the word "entitled" but it's too strong) to have 4 wives. Which one is his jodoh? The first one? Because that's his first love? What about the second one? Third one? Fourth one? Which one then? All of them?

Can anyone explain this to me? Any experts in this particular field? Thanks in advance.



Anyways, on a lighter note, check out this article from Berita Harian, a few months back:

Edisi KL : Anak mami paling mahal

KUALA LUMPUR: ‘Anak mami’ terus mengungguli kedudukan sebagai pengantin paling mahal untuk lelaki berpendapatan rendah dan sederhana yang meminang mereka.

Ia bukan saja disebabkan wang hantaran tinggi, malah pihak lelaki kini terpaksa menghadiahkan barangan sampingan ‘wajib’ berupa berlian.

Difahamkan, pemberian berlian sebagai sebahagian daripada hantaran perkahwinan kini menjadi kemestian di kalangan keluarga pengantin ‘anak mami’ sebelum menerima pinangan.

Ini berikutan keluarga pengantin perempuan dikatakan tidak lagi berminat dengan hantaran emas yang dianggap ketinggalan zaman, sebaliknya menetapkan berlian sebagai syarat mengahwini anak gadis mereka.

Ini bermakna, purata hantaran untuk pengantin ‘anak mami’ boleh mencapai RM25,000 apabila RM8,000 hingga RM15,000 dikhaskan untuk wang hantaran, manakala selebihnya bagi membeli barangan gelang, rantai dan cincin bertatahkan berlian.

Itu belum termasuk belanja lain seperti kos mengadakan majlis perkahwinan yang boleh mencecah RM50,000 bagi golongan sederhana.

Perancang perkahwinan selebriti, Abu Faizul Abu Bakar atau Pak Abu, berkata pemberian perhiasan berlian daripada lelaki sebagai hantaran menjadi suatu kemestian kepada ‘anak mami’.

Beliau berkata, perhiasan itu dianggap wajib disediakan kerana ada beranggapan ‘anak mami’ mempunyai paras rupa yang cantik, berhidung mancung yang jarang didapati oleh gadis Melayu lain.

“Antara perkara pertama diutamakan ketika hari persandingan ‘anak mami’ adalah rantai atau gelang bertatahkan berlian. Mereka tak main emas... ketinggalan zaman, hanya berlian.

“Ia bukanlah sesuatu yang diadakan untuk bermegah atau ingin membebankan lelaki, tetapi sudah menjadi budaya keluarga mami untuk memberi perhiasan berlian kepada bakal isteri.

“Walaupun nampak seperti membebankan, ia dianggap penting kerana bukan calang-calang orang boleh memikat anak mami,” katanya kepada Harian Metro.

‘Anak mami’ merujuk kepada gadis berketurunan India Muslim di Pulau Pinang. Golongan itu menjadi buruan lelaki kerana mempunyai keistimewaan tersendiri, terutama berhidung mancung, kulit hitam manis dan kebiasaannya memiliki susuk badan tinggi dan menawan.

Mereka menjadi pilihan, terutama lelaki meminati filem Bollywood yang kerap memaparkan aktres cantik seperti Kareena Kapoor, Karisma Kapoor dan Ashwariya Rai.

Apapun, menurut Pak Abu, ibu bapa sekarang juga tidak lagi menganggap hantaran kahwin tinggi sebagai ‘menjual’ anak kerana menyedari kos taraf hidup yang meningkat naik.

Beliau yang pernah menguruskan perkahwinan Erra Fazira dan Yusri, berkata kos standard bagi mengadakan perkahwinan diadakan di rumah pengantin di kawasan bandar ketika ini, meliputi belanja kenduri, hantaran dan persandingan selalunya mencecah RM70,000.

posted by judd. # 12/21/2005 01:34:00 AM

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